Just take this pill and you'll be fine
You will stop crying all the time
I'm sitting still, a dead glance ahead, trying to run from my own head
My body and I, two entities apart, functioning me into admission to a psych ward
It never stops but I can't run for my legs aren't able to get much done
My cold hands tremble and my breathing never slows
I have a suspicion this is how a slow and painful death goes

I'm just an animal in the zoo, endangered and alone
Caged up and supervised gnawing on a bone
I never fought the occupation, I won't resist more medication
The voices scream and wail but no one gets to listen
The zookeepers are losing sleep looking for hours at me weep
The guilt seeps in and I can't believe how far we've sunk
I guess this crisis is just my terrible luck

Please turn it off and toss me away, don't let me see the light of day
I can't. Please believe me that I can't.
My body and mind have agreed, it has gotten out of hand.
Words written on paper with smudges of my vulnerability
I'll sit and stare, pray to the holy trinity
But my pleas are never answered, God is up there dancing to the mere tune of my sorrow instead of kindly answering.

You held my hand at convenient times
and told me when I had to smile
My out of office guardian, all you had to do was look and see right through my wounded eyes
Air filled up with ashes every night you made me cry
you left your child alone and scared, shaking, wondering why
Why couldn't you see all the crimes he committed that I wouldn't hide?
Why wouldn't you catch me selling another badly worded lie?
Why didn't you consider that you left me there with him to die?
I beg of you, tell me why you didn't seem to try?

Time has made me forget dozens of birthdays, names of pets
All of the chapters and texts I had read and what toys I would keep in my bed
But one thing that will never leave my head is that one pair of eyes I one day met

The way your face felt in my hands
The way your tears melt all that's left inside my chest
The way your hair would dance
The way you were the very best

My very best, bestest of friends
Where did our story end?
Separated by unholy distances and unfulfilled plans
Surrounded by ashes and empty cans
And your favourite pair of vans

Do you feel the same land beneath your feet?
Are you where you promised you went?
If only I could hit send, tell you one last hug is all I need
Give me a sign, reassure me your heart still beats.
Would you?
Could you?

Please?

My slowly sinking collarbones
Drowning in your ignorance
Your not so well considered words
Truly show indifference
Teach me how to hate myself
It wouldn't be coincidence
The day you insisted I should starve
Took away my innocence

The decorated waiting room
I'm late again, per usual
To cure my pain and handle my addictions
Tears as rain your unstable convictions
I beg of you don't show them the pictures

My screen shows me your name
Would you remember my innocent smile?
My fingers tremble as I sit in the pile of wood
Watching the flame and ashes go by
As I tell myself a comforting lie

Agonizing pain travels through my bones at the sound of your voice
You left me no choice but to scream and wail
Unfulfilled dreams shattered on the ground around us
please, would you learn to trust me?

The decorated waiting room
I get that you don't remember the things that you ignored, but was your only reason to kiss me 'cause you were bored?
I'll try to resist, to fight and persist to refuse you more, but you looked so kind when your fingers reached mine and pushed me down on the floor

The look of violence in your eyes, the sharp brows that I despise looking at me and trying to decide wether to be mean or nice. Time flies when you're having fun but it tries to slow when you're on the run towards the rising sun.

My existence was a lie
And as my life was flashing by
I wondered why you couldn't try
To hold me when you made me cry

A black abyss staring back at me, trying to find a better we and everything you could ever be. It leaves me wondering and scared what I would've done if I was prepared. Would you have dared?